Monday, November 29

It's the way men do it

301° 10' NET

How to change the oil?

Here are the examples how to do it. One for females and the other for us guys.

- - - -

How to change oil.

How women do it:

1. Drive to the service point, when it has been 10 000 miles since the last change.
2. Have a cup of coffee while waiting.
3. Pay up, start driving.

Expenses: oil change 25$ + coffee 50 c = 25,50$.

How men do it:

1. Drive to the parts-shop, buy oil, filter, can of CRC and a new Wunderbaum for a total of 15$.
2. Realize that the container you use for waste oil is full. You are not going to deliver it to a collect point, instead you dump everything in a hole on your backyard.
3. Get a beer, drink up.
4. Jack the car up. First go look for the jack for 30 minutes.
5. Find the jack under a soapbox car of your son.
6. Get a beer for consolation, drink up.
7. Push the waste oil bin under the car.
8. Search for a right spanner.
9. Give up, get a adjustable wrench.
10. Open the bolt.
11. Drop the bolt in hot oil. Smear oil all over.
12. Clean up.
13. Get one more beer and observe the leaking oil.
14. Look for pliers to change the filter.
15. Give up. Punch a screwdriver through the filter and use it to finish the job.
16. Beer.
17. A pal comes for a visit. Unanimously you get rest of the beer and decide to end the oil changing the next day.
18. Next day. Get the waste oil bin from under the car.
19. Clean up oil stains which were done in step 18.
20. Take the waste oil at the back of the yard, dump it in the hole and cover it up.
21. Beer - no,'s all gone.
22. Go buy some more beer.
23. Squeeze new filter in and smear it up with oil.
24. Pour in a bottle of new oil.
25. Remember the bolt which was mentioned in step 11.
26. Go look for the bolt from the waste oil bin.
27. Remember that the waste oil is at the backyard, in the hole.
28. Get a beer.
29. Dig the hole up, find the bolt.
30. Find an oil puddle on the floor.
31. Get a beer.
32. While tightening the bolt, slip spanner and hit your knuckles against sharp undercarriage.
33. Because of step 32 hit your head against concrete floor.
34. Furious swearing.
35. Throw the spanner in rage.
36. More furious swearing for 10 minutes, because spanner hit left jug of Miss December in your Michellin calendar.
37. Beer.
38. Clean up your hands and forehead, stop the bleeding and use bandage as it should.
39. Beer.
40. Beer.
41. Pour rest of the new oil in the machine.
42. Beer.
43. Take the car off the jack.
44. Break the jack while doing step 43.
45. Back up the car so that you can clean up the mess from steps 24/30.
46. Beer.
47. Test drive.
48. Pull over at the road shoulder and give a breath test, walk the lines and touch your nose.
49. Vehicle is towed away.
50. Pay the fine and towing expenses, claim your car back.

Expenses: parts 15$ + fine 350$ + towing 100$ + beer 50$ = 515$.

Vector at Monday, November 29, 2004

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