Monday, February 14

Valentine's Day

240° 15' NET

What should I write on this romantic day of commercial hulabaloo?

How about toilets?

At work we have this two-stroke system. Two pots for the guys to fume on. Yeah, it's a guy toilet, which means that it's not always in peak condition. If the difference between wieners and peaches is visible somewhere, it is in the toilets between gents and ladies. Anyone who has visited both knows this for a fact.

I was seeing a man about a horse you know, and I hear all this huffing and puffing next door. It's pretty obvious what's going on in there.
Every once and a while there's a distinct sound of air refresher being used, sometimes quite franticly. At least he used it, not like some others who only admire that pretty bottle hanging on the wall while releasing deadly gases...bastards!
Anyway, suddenly it sounds like the business is done and the guy advances to the next phase of bowel movement procedure - wipe out subroutine. I can't hear anything, but I guess it went well since he is out in no time.

Next thing is hygienic restoration. He starts to wash his hands and oh boy does he wash his hands. I'm done with my thing, and I'm just listening to the sounds of frantic hand washing.
It took almost 5 minutes. It was like he was preparing for an open heart surgery.
If you had to wipe with bare hands I'd get that, but just normally speaking - I think normal people would have had bloody stumps instead of hands after that session.

Then at last he is satisfied with his raw hands and exits the establishment. I don't know who it was, but I guess I just have to go and see who has his hands wrapped in tomorrow.

PS. Couple of handy tips for people who have to go big time, but are not feeling comfortable about sitting on 'someones lap' so to speak. I mean that ring you sit on can have really various chemical reamains on it and if you can avoid touching it - please do.
1. If you have a luxury of having air refresher in a bottle you can use that as a cleaning solution. It contains alcohol which kills the germs and on top of that it suddenly also smells nice and fresh in there.
2. Cover that newly cleaned surface with toilet paper from the toilet roll. Not the first couple of rounds, rip those out and use fresh inner layers. A piece of three as whole on all the sides plus separate pieces for the corners. If you are really paranoid you can do two layers.
For guys who have something to brag about, remember to flush first and then use refresher in the toilet seat, spraying full circle inside.

Oh, and for my Valentine: hey baby, I dig you ;)

Vector at Monday, February 14, 2005

Comments 1


24 February, 2005 22:28 Anonymous bullet said...

just checking the comments and it works! :)


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